beggars and hangers on lyrics

Iapos;m at a loss...
last night i told him my secret
and today we "talked"
i told him that i wasnapos;t going to do it. But at this point i donapos;t know if i can keep that promise because it keeps going through my mind no matter what i try to do to avoid it and i donapos;t know what to think or how to feel
i told him that he was enough to keep me here
that just having him would be enough for me to pull through
but i only have 15 days to make a decision.
i guess it is kinda wrong to do it on the day that began our friendship but at the same time itapos;s the day that means the most to me as each year i have given blood and tears to in in hopes of having a better life that is yet to have come to me. I donapos;t know if it is just the worldapos;s way of telling me that no matter what i give of myself i shall continue to fail at all i do.
i sit beside the fire as i extinguish each momentary flame with my tears, my earth, and my blood. I "pray" to whatever may be and promise to give myself over to it in the event that i find some solace or happiness whatever i find never lasts more than a few hours... Maybe a day.
itapos;s not worth trying again
thatapos;s why i picked that day to end it.
that day to give myself completely and forever to the powers that be.
just float off into whatever may take me.
to be denied by death would be the ultimate failure... And for some reason i see it happening...
i can see death not wanting me just as life throws me away.

five senses poem, beggars and hangers on lyrics, beggars and thieves, beggars banquet, beggars banquet east lansing.